Being Bipolar

A friend called me recently and requested that I write her an email about what it means to be bipolar because a member of her family has just been diagnosed with the illness.

From the outset of any discussion about Bipolar Affective Disorder, it must be understood that, as soon as someone is diagnosed, they must be placed on medication. Only medication, or chemicals, will treat the terrible chemical imbalance going on inside a manic depressive’s mind. Therefore, the right concoction of medications is the first and best way to start for the purpose of stabilizing and thereby feeling better. No bipolar individual will get better without the assistance of medication.

I remember my first depressive incident. I was 6 years old. My family had just moved from Brantford to Hamilton, Ontario, which obviously caused the stress to send me over the edge. The move sent my mind into a whirl and I became severely depressed. I remember walking alone through the vacant lot on one side of my parents’ house. I was very sad and I couldn’t bring myself out of it. I thought that I just couldn’t go on.

During my whole childhood, I was sent to numerous psychologists and psychiatrists. Bipolar was not diagnosed at that age and I was treated as a spoiled brat looking for attention. I knew there was something wrong with me. I could feel it, but no one would listen to me. It was as if I was in a glass box with everyone looking in but unable to get out.

Finally, I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 27 years old by an excellent psychiatrist who is still my psychiatrist today. He is a drug doctor. His specialty is medications and I must have tried maybe 25 or more medications until I was able to find the right concoction for me. Some medications didn’t work. Some gave me bad side effects. Those meds I stopped quickly. Over the years, I have changed my medications many times. Finally, I have settled on two medications which keep me basically stable. I still do have times of depression and mania when I am unable to function, but those moments are not as bad as they would be if I wasn’t taking medications.

One problem many mentally ill people have in common is going off their medications when they felt better. You feel better because you are taking the medications and, if you go off the medications, you will get sick. Once on medication, you MUST keep taking those medications for the rest of your life. If you are diagnosed as bipolar or any other mental illness, then you must face the fact you will be taking medications for the rest of your life. Nothing to be ashamed of or a game. Medications must be taken every day.

If you are interested in the characteristics of bipolar, check out this list on my website:
Bipolar symptoms

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Locker Rooms is Out!

Like most people, Alida has contemplated one of life’s biggest mysteries: What happens to your soul when you die? What if it is stolen by a cruel demon, and your eternity’s resting place becomes an empty locker in a secret cavern? What if the biblical hell was a real place, where real people suffered unspeakably?

It is real, and it is a horrifying place, where the souls of good people are imprisoned with no hope for escape or rescue ... until Alida appears. Putting her life in jeopardy, Alida battles a wicked demon and even the true devil to win the right to free the souls and return them to their own graves, where they can rest in peace.

Locker Rooms is a story of love and hate, friends and enemies, religion and history, and the eternal battle between good and evil. It tells the story of a lost woman who changes her life when she saves the souls of good people being imprisoned by a demon for his own narcissistic pleasure. What she experiences in the process will change her life forever.

Now available online

Available on Barnes & Noble

Available on Amazon

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Movies

And what's your favourite movie? Can you watch the same movie over and over again? Some people enjoy watching a movie only once, but there must be others like me who can watch a movie over and over again enjoying it as much every time. Just loving the comfortable feeling it gives you to be in concert with the mood of that movie. The ability to relax is paramount and the movie aids in that.

My collection of dvds comprises over 300 movies. And I watch them repeatedly. Though I love to listen to music while driving, I prefer a movie in the background at home. It surprises even me how often I can watch a film. I never get tired of some movies because they make me feel great. But I have to be honest, I'm usually doing two or three other things while watching a movie. Either I'm working or playing poker online or chatting. I can't do just one thing at a time. Have to be multi-tasking.

Good news about Locker Rooms. During the last week, I have received the proofs of the cover and interior of my novel from the publisher. After reading through the novel again, I found some errors and sent the corrections to the publisher. They made the corrections and today I reviewed the finished product. Looks great.

Now, it has gone to production. It should be available on Amazon in early January, 2014.

Tell me what you think of the cover:

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Poor Nelson Mandela

Poor Nelson Mandela. His quality of life must be horrendous. I feel so sorry for him. His former wife, Winnie Mandela, was reported as saying that he cannot talk any longer because he has tubes in his mouth which run down his throat. He is bedridden and even considered to be on life support. That is no way to live. Why are they keeping him alive?

Let the poor man die. He was one of the most influential people in history. A difficult life and an amazing career proves his value is far beyond anyone else. He is a person everyone should admire and wish to emulate but he is 95 years old now. His life is over. Let him die in peace and not keeping extending his life just because you can't bear him to die. He is dead. He is living dead.

I truly believe that everyone should have a choice about when to die. Everyone reaches a point in life when they would prefer to die quickly and pain free. I would. I don't want to spend many years suffering in a bed until I die. In addition, if I'm suffering horrendous pain, let me die. Don't extend my life.

My great aunt Helen died at 102 years old. She wouldn't let me call her old until she reached 100 years and, even then, she didn't like being call old. Helen spent her last few years sitting in front of nurses station with other half-dead patrons of the nursing home. All she did all day was sleep and wake up then sleep and walk up some more. That was no way to live. She couldn't read or watch television. There was nothing she enjoyed. Now luckily, she was never in any pain but I don't consider what she did as living.

Helen reached a point when she must have said enough is enough and she stopped eating. Two weeks later, she was dead. I give her a lot of credit but starving to death is not a preferred way to die.

Death is a difficult topic to discuss with anyone. Most people do not face the realistic adventure that death occurs to everyone. When Houdini died, he said he would come back and I truly believed he would, but he didn't. If Houdini can't come back, then no one can. I think when someone dies, we should have a big party to celebrate their life. Death happens so we must accept it and not mourn the person but be happy they lived.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Relief

With a huge sigh of relief and finally allowing myself to breathe again, this morning I received the two emails for which I have been waiting. Unfortunately, being bipolar, I cannot handle stress very well and patience is not one of my virtues. I don't like having to wait for anything. I'm pretty independent and, if there is something I want, I go out and get it right away. I don't wait for anything or anyone. However, one must become dependent on someone else to achieve some things; such as, publishing Locker Rooms.

Happily, I received the proofs for Locker Rooms from the publisher. I have to review the novel for any errors and corrections. The cover is great though I made a suggestion to the publisher to better it. The cover team will work on it. The back looks great. They wrote the blurb (that's what I call it) about the novel and I like it. Much better than anything I could have written though parts of it are my words.

The interior work is incredible. The font and style of words looks great. It looks like a real book.

The second and, in a way, the most important email I was waiting to receive arrived this morning. A man whom I am considering hiring as my publicist was given Locker Rooms to read last week. He said he would reply in 24 hours but that time came and went with me worried. I was terrified he would reply that the novel wasn't any good and he couldn't represent me. I know, I think the worst, but that's part of a bipolar make-up.

I thought Mark would only read the first couple of chapters; however, he was on page 120 when he wrote me and he said he was looking forward to reading more. He likes Locker Rooms and my style. Whew, what a huge relief. He likes it! I'm just so glad. He is the first one to read the finished product.

My life will hopefully now get busy and have a purpose: to tell the world about Locker Rooms.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Anyone Going to Vegas?

One thing you may not know about me is I am a professional poker player. No, not a casino star or even a high stakes player. I play casually online at Pokerstars which I have been doing since 2005. I began playing poker tournaments for play money/chips and then progressed to playing with real money which I have been doing for almost a year now. Unfortunately, I cannot break into the big money. The most I have won is $55.00. Nice bit of change but not earth shattering.

Usually, I play the large tournaments where up to 5,000 or more poker players participate from all over the whole wide world (except for Americans who cannot gamble online). These tournaments can take hours to conclude and can cost from $2.70 to $5.50 to play. Once in a while I might play a $11.00 tourney where the prizes are higher.

My dream is to go to Vegas and play in a live poker tournament there. I have decided that I would like to stay at Bally's and play in their 2 pm tourney. Buy-in is $60.00 and first place wins $1,000.00. I don't care what else I do in Vegas as long as I play in that poker tournament. Of course, I'd like to take advantage of all Vegas has to offer; especially walking along the strip and be blinded by the thousands of bright lights.

So, anyone planning on going and don't mind me tagging along?

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

The Giller

As a true Canadian author, I was drawn to the ceremony for the Giller Prize last night. What an affair! Every past winner of the Prize was in attendance. I just can't imagine being in a room that full of exalted writers. I wouldn't know what to say. "Do you know the Vulcan mind meld?" Would they know what I meant? Any trekkies out there??

Lynn Coady won for Hellboy. Congratulations to her. What a prestigious award to win. I'm sure the book will go flying off the shelves now. Definitely a great way to become known. She is now written into Canadian literary history. Imagine that!

All the short listed authors received a leather bound version of their novel. I would love that. But don't worry, I have no aspirations to the Giller Prize. My writing is not of that quality. I hope people will read and enjoy my work, but I don't expect any awards. I want to be someone you want to read because what I write is fun, adventuresome and interesting. Because its a unique story that you are compelled to read.

Locker Rooms' proofs will be sent to me soon. I have a couple of errors to address and then it will go into publication.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@PattyLesser

Turning the Clocks Back

Last Saturday night was the time to turn our clocks back one hour in preparation for winter. Did you remember? I didn't. I left my home at 3:15 pm to meet my walking friend. We meet every Sunday at 3:30 pm with her dog and mine. As I drove to the park, the radio announcer reminded me that I was supposed to turn my clocks back which I had forgotten to do, and it was really 2:15 pm and, therefore, I was an hour early for my friend. I returned home and waited another 45 minutes until I left again for the park at the proper hour.

Of course, when I arrived home, I quickly toured the house and changed all the clocks. That was so funny that I forgot. I'm usually so good with these things. But, you have to complete tasks when you think of them or you will forget to do them which could cause important matters to be overlooked like changing your clocks.

I have to acknowledge Twitter. A good friend finally explained the site to me in such a way as I was able to understand it. I am now taking full advantage of all it has to offer. It is really an exciting endeavor. I am now able to reach out to people all over the world. Because of Twitter, I have made some wonderful contacts. Such interesting people to meet; impossible in real life.

As expected, my Leafs received a valuation lesson from the Canucks as they lost 4-0. They have a lot of work especially with two of their top players out who cover the centre position which is difficult to replace.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com
@pattylesser

The Good Ole Hockey Game

Anybody have connections with the Toronto Maple Leafs? Could you get me tickets to a game?

Sorry to ask but I love hockey; especially Maple Leaf hockey, and I wouldn't even attempt to be able to afford the price of tickets to a game or somehow come across tickets for sale. The team is hot this year and I'm sure every seat is sold the minute they go on sale.

I've always been a big hockey fan but it's different this year. The Leafs are really fun to watch; even more so because they are winning their games. I have seen every Leaf game (I even subscribe to the Leaf T.V. channel) since the commencement of their exhibition games with the exception of the game against Calgary last Wednesday night which was also the final game of the World Series. Yeh Red Sox! Nice that they finally won at home.

Any way, I have been enjoying lots of hockey. The Leafs are very strong this year. Finally, they are shooting and scoring many times a game. It's great watching the players achieve and grow as a team; namely a guy named Reilly. Just a kid and playing so well. Their defence needs work. Too many shots by the opposing team on the goalie. Both goalies (Reimer and Bernier) have been fantastic. A hockey team can't win the Stanley Cup without good goalies.

Tonight, the Leafs play in Vancouver against the Vancouver Canucks. This should be a good game since the Canucks are a tough team. The Leafs will be tested and I wouldn't miss it. My father and I have a friendly bet about who will play in goal.

So, yes, I'm hoping the Leafs make it this year to the playoffs, but it is a long season. We can only watch and hope for the best.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Halloween

Last night was Halloween and, of course, I have to blog about it. It was my favourite day of the year when I was a child. I loved dressing in costumes and going from home to home asking for candy. I would map out the neighbourhood and make the most direct and convenient plan so that I would reach each house without having to retrace my steps at any point.

Within my route, there were a few houses which were special to me; especially this lovely old woman who reminded me of the witch in Hansel and Gretel. She lived in a small white house and would provide us with these fantastic caramel popcorn balls. They were delicious and the best treats. You can't do that today because people only give out store bought candy which is a pity. When I was a child, many homes offered home cooked treats. Another house on my route handed out candy apples. Also delicious.

Unfortunately, it rained heavily last night and the children were not able to have a dry experience. I felt sorry for the kids. Some went out but returned home soaking wet. I wonder how many have colds today.

I was invited to a Halloween party at a friend's house where our dogs were invited too. For some reason, Kira (my dog) didn't like Isaac who tried to placate her with kisses, but it didn't work. Kira wouldn't stop barking. After some time, she calmed down. All the dogs got along extremely well. It's so much fun being able to go to a party with your dogs. Always something to talk about. Two of the dogs were extremely sweet with each other as Isaac laid his head on Lucy's legs as they slept.

The friend who hosted this party is an amazing cook and prepared lots of delicious food for us to eat. There was enough for an army. I rolled home.

Hope you had a great Halloween!

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

The Price is Right

Every morning, at 11:00 a.m., I watch the American T.V. show The Price is Right. This has been my routine for many years. I truly enjoy the challenges of the show and the incredible stories that are revealed as the games proceed. I've noticed that when there is a Canadian in the audience, they usually are called on down. But, I love the mix of people that are in the audience. It is truly a large variety of people.

Though I haven't visited the United States lately, I have heard of much prejudice which still exists. However, on The Price is Right, everyone accepts each other as equals. Many times have I seen blacks hugging whites and the two are not concerned with their colours but the fact that they have made it into the contestant's row. It is absolutely wonderful to see people get along for one purpose. I have never seen any prejudice or racism on The Price is Right. It is a show of equals as the world should be.

In addition, once in a while, you cheer for an individual because of things they have said or done on the stage. When they win their prize, you are so happy for them and believe they are truly deserving. I sometimes shed a tear as I did for this man who attended the show today with his family and Marine buddies who looked like they were all in their 60s. He won a car and was truly shocked. He seemed like such a nice man and I'm so glad he won.

Drew Carey replaced Bob Barker a few years ago as the host of the show. I have always enjoyed him through his shows: the Drew Carey Show and Whose Line is it Any Way? which was a brilliant show where four comics would instantly create an act using whatever line Drew gave them. Drew was the moderator and always had a joke or line of his own to add to the humour. He has slimmed down so much since the new job with The Price is Right. I enjoyed seeing a fat person on T.V. He was someone with whom I could identify. But, I have to admit, he looks great now.

Presently, I am waiting for the publisher to call me about discussing the cover and layout of Locker Rooms. Looking forward to getting this novel out.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

A Sport Filled Weekend

What a weekend for sports! On Saturday afternoon, I watched the Hamilton Ticats beat Montreal in the CFL (that's Canadian Football League). It was a very exciting game with lots of action and terrific plays. I do love it when the Ticats win. They made it into the playoffs which is great. I would love for the Ticats to win the Grey Cup.

Early Saturday evening, I enjoyed watching the Toronto Maple Leafs beat Pittsburg Penguins which is hockey. That was also a fun and exciting game to watch. It was wonderful to see Crosby shut down completely and unable to get a point. Leafs certainly played well.

After the hockey game, I watched the World Series. It is definitely entertaining and I enjoy playoff baseball. But it is so slow compared to hockey. I really don't care who wins, but I think I'd like St. Louis to beat Boston. And the Cardinals won the game so lead the series 2-1. I was happy.

Sunday rolls around and it's another exciting night of sports. First was the hockey game where the Leafs beat Anaheim in another good game. The first period has been uneventful as the goalies play well. The Leafs come alive halfway through the second period and then start scoring goals. It, therefore, becomes a successful and thrilling game. One player (Kessel) scored a hat trick which means 3 goals in one game. Everyone throws their hat onto the ice to celebrate.

Of course, a baseball game is played Sunday night. Unfortunately, it looks like St. Louis will lose this game to Boston and they did. Well, it is good the series is tied at 2; makes for a more exciting series.

So, a wonderful weekend of sports. Quite enjoyable. Though most men spend Sundays in front of the television to watch American football, the NFL. I might watch a few games now and then but not a big NFL fan. I prefer Canadian football. The difference between CFL and NFL is our players are white and small and our quarterbacks are Black which is the opposite with the NFL.

Hockey is really my favourite sport. I love watching those games and enjoy the thrill of the player's skating and scoring abilities. I can't skate at all so I have so much admiration for hockey players. It's fun to see plays become successful and the great saves by the goalies. It certainly is fun to watch and I don't know what I'd do without having hockey games to watch most nights. I even ordered and received the Leaf specialty channel so I don't miss a game.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Shopping

I'm a woman but I HATE shopping. I really have to be in the mood to shop and spend money which maybe occurs once every two to three years. Of course, I grocery shop more frequently but still I run in, get what I want, then run out. Usually, it takes me 15 minutes to grocery shop and I only go when I run out of milk or orange juice which I can't do without.

Last week, I was in the mood to go shopping. I needed to buy a printer. My old one had died when I had my old computer. When that computer died, I bought a laptop but refrained from buying a printer. When I required a page to print out, I just emailed what I needed to my parents who have a printer. Obviously, got tired doing that so decided to buy a printer.

Went to Staples who have a large collection of possible printers. Found a nice salesman to assist me. He easily explained to me the pros and cons of the many models. We choose the cheapest one for $40 which was on sale from $100. Most of the printers were in the $100 range but I don't need one with many bells and whistles; just the basic. I set up the printer yesterday and it works well. Successful shopping experience.

The salesman at Staples recommended I buy a cable to hook up the printer with the computer. When I opened the box of my new printer, Canon provided that cable. So I have to take back the other cable.

After Staples, I drove a block behind that store to Best Buy. They are one of the few stores which still have DVDs and Blu-ray for sale. I love to go there and pick out a few movies. You can get them cheap now. I still love buying movies. I have quite a collection. Probably over 300.

After a successful adventure reading over every title for sale in the movie section, I went to the clothes store. I needed a new dress for an event coming up and I wanted a new pair of pants. I really hate clothes shopping and definitely have to be in the mood. I'm not big on trying on stuff. I just want to buy the clothes then leave.

This time, as on every time, I grab a saleswoman and tell her what I need. I let her choose the clothes with, of course, comments from me. Once we find a number of clothes that I would like to wear, I try them on as fast as possible. Unfortunately, doing it that fast, you miss some things. The pair of pants I bought were too big for me which I noticed while trying to walk in them. I did like the dress I bought along with a black jacket which would go well with anything.

So, I have to return to the area where those stores are located (Meadowlands in Ancaster). All the stores are in the same area. I have to return the cable at Staples and I have to return the pants at the clothes store and get a smaller size. In addition, I have to return to Best Buy. Why? Because I found the movie Atlas Shrugged which is based on the novel by Ayn Rand which is one of my favourite. Now, I didn't know it came in three parts. I bought Part 1 and then had to go back for Part 2. Didn't know about Part 3 until I finished watching Part 2 and realized that the ending was missing. Damn eh?

This is another reason why I hate shopping: you always have to return to the stores. So hopefully today I will feel like it and I will return to those three stores to return my items and get Part 3.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Great Day!

What a wonderful day it was today! Blue skies and warm sun. And I woke up feeling fantastic; well rested and raring to go. I am sleeping so well now. Like a dream come true.

Today I had to attend at the office where I received my CPAC machine. Disability allowed me to receive a new mask. Received a better one than I had and am pleased. I shouldn't have much problem getting used to the new mask with is small and goes over my nose. There are straps that go over my head to hold it on. I'm so happy to receive this new mask.

Then, to celebrate the day and for something different, I had lunch at my favourite restaurant which is near the other place on the mountain. It is Lebanese food and so so good. I had their special salad which is to die for. In addition, I received their shish kebab wrapped in a pita. Again, so good. Really filled me up and made me feel even happier.

By the way, I'm a big hockey fan and follow the Toronto Maple Leafs. I even receive the Leaf special channel so I don't miss any games. Yes, I watch them all. I do love watching hockey. It is such a fun and difficult sport. I can't skate and to watch these guys is exciting. The Leafs are playing so much better already and hopefully we will make it to the finals but its a long season. At least I now always have something to watch on T.V. Looking forward to tonight's game. Good way to relax after a successful day.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

New Book

Another novel has been added to my list on my website. The Package is my new novel. It might possibly be better written as a play since most of the action takes place in two rooms: the living room and dining room of the Blackbourne family mansion in Toronto, Ontario.

An historic Canadian family, embroiled in the art world, await the delivery of a mysterious package from their ancestor in England. What is hidden within the package changes the lives of this ancient family which causes various interesting and dastardly occurrences.

At the beginning of the novel, a family tree will be drawn out describing the whole hierarchy of the Blackbourne family going back several generations. Hours were required to complete this task. I am constantly referred back to this family tree because even I forget who is related to whom.

Each character in the The Package is somehow involved within the aristocratic realm of the art work; such as, collector, artist, gallery owner, agent, legal or insurance. The characters interact discussing their expertise in the arena of art which is how we get to know them. Also, we learn the integral family affairs which help and hinder the family.

Of course, there is still much work to be done on the novel. I'm re-reading That Truthful Place, my fourth novel. It requires a lot of re-writing which is necessary for all novels. An author is never satisfied with their work.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

 

Dreams, cont'd

I live a very solitary life. Writing is not a team occupation and, of course, I spend many hours alone. However, when I dream, I'm always with people in social surroundings. Usually, I have travelled somewhere and am involved with searching for places to visit while on my trip.

Many dreams have involved being in a foreign country and I am attempting to reach some place. In some of the dreams, I would plan to visit a friend who lives in a town in Israel called Rehovot. While I lived in Israel, I would often visit this friend and I would consistently get lost travelling there. I never remembered where to get off the bus and then where to walk. She lived in a complicated area for me to reach.

Well, in many dreams, I am trying to reach my friend in Israel, but I am presently located at the train station in Utrecht, Belgium. The streets I travel remind me of England and I constantly wonder if I should be taking the Tube (British subway) to my friend's house in Israel. Very confusing dream, eh?

Last night was a social dream. I dreamt I was at a camp with two groups of women. One group was made up of individuals who kept to themselves and didn't involve themselves in the happenings at the camp. The other group were successful, attractive women who had the Midas touch. These women did everything together and were having a wonderful time.

It was the first group I was involved; however, it was the second group to which I strived to be apart. However, when trying to get the attention of these women to join their group, everything becomes nasty and disagreeable. Some of the women berate me and treat me very unfairly. So, I awoke upset and a little frantic after spending my dream arguing and fighting. I never succeed when arguing with people. Funnily enough, I get tripped up by words.

Since I tend to dream every night and remember my dreams every morning, I could just write that here on my blog, but I won't bore you further with my night's adventures.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Dreams

Ever wake up in the morning and wonder what happened? Those dreams which seem so real quickly dissipate when you enter consciousness and your eyes flutter open. Suddenly, a mix of reality and imagination slowly split into two. You realize that haunting dream was not real and life goes on. But that upsetting thought never quite leaves you and lingers all day. Sometimes, like a shooting arrow, a single thought enters your cluttered mind during the day and reminds you of last night's bad dream. Or, if you are lucky, you are reminded of a good dream which refreshes and invigorates you.

Over the last two nights, I have been dreaming unpleasant dreams. The other night, I dreamt that I was at the cottage with my parents and my brother and his wife. My mother just finished making a derogatory comment to my sister-in-law and then a huge mud slid enveloped the cottage. Suddenly, my dog and cat were missing and presumed dead. I searched and searched in the mud filled forest for signs of my pets. Finally, a woman found Emma, my cat, up a tree. As I was begging her to jump into my arms, I woke up. Not something I enjoyed remembering throughout the whole day.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my publisher and all night I dreamt of possible problems relating to my novel. The biggest difficulty was with words ending with 'ing'. For some strange reason, I had to change all words ending in 'ing'. Strange dream because of course I am worried about any mistakes in my manuscript of which I have no knowledge. Again, not a pleasant memory.

Consistently, I dream every night. Most nights my thoughts turn to good things; however, I do receive the dastardly nightmare from which thoughts turn throughout the next few days. One funny dream, which I can never forget, is that I wanted to cross a river which was filled with piranha. However, if I were to give each fish a bottle of beer (and it had to be a bottle), I would be allowed to cross. Crazy eh?

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Finally Finished

I apologize for not writing in a while. Unfortunately, I have been suffering from a bout of depression. It was difficult getting over the last few weeks. Much effort was required to get through the day. Luckily, the mood has passed and I'm feeling happy again.

Finally, I have finished re-reading Locker Rooms and it is now ready to be published. I will be sending my manuscript via email tomorrow to the publisher. As I have been told, we will now work on the cover and get the style organized.

For some reason, the electric company informed us in this neighbourhood that they would be shutting down the electricity from 9:00 am for 6.5 hours today October 1st. It was odd waking up to silence. It was so quiet this morning though I did hear some mutterings from neighbours outside enjoying the lack of our most necessary resource. Nothing worked, of course. It's amazing to realize how much electricity is required in our lives. Everything is run by electricity.

Fortunately, I have a portable DVD player which runs for 6 hours on battery so I was able to watch a movie when I rose from bed. Not being able to make a cup of coffee was a little strange and a little difficult not having that morning rush of caffeine. In addition, my laptop has a battery for 3 hours so I was able to work on my novel, but it was weird not utilizing the Internet.

Just a note to those interested, I'm sleeping great. It is wonderful that I have been cured from my sleep problems with a simple manoeuver of blowing air into my nose as I sleep. I am so glad that I don't have to take more medications. Actually, I have reduced my drug intake by three pills which I used to take because of sleep disturbances. It's great just taking the only necessary pills now.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Chat Expert

To assist in thickening my social register, I put an ad in Kijiji (a Canadian version of Craigslist) seeking to find new friends. A woman, Mary, replied to my ad and we have become friends. She is recently single and has tried a bit of chatting. Unfortunately, she has found herself in a sticky situation and so called me up last night to ask if she could come over. I had given her Shall We Chat? Revealing the Secrets of Chatting Online and she felt I might be best in assisting her.

Along with her cute dog, Mary arrived last night in a thunderstorm. Was she ever desperate to talk. I was so glad that I was available to her. We had a wonderful discussion and I think I helped ease her worries. She said a few times how reading my book had helped her. I'm glad I have helped even one person.

Work is proceeding slowly with Locker Rooms. I have taken a fine toothed comb and am reviewing each word, sentence, paragraph to make it a better novel. I think I have made some good improvements.

Sleeping great! I feel so much better. That little CPAC machine has given me back my life. Something so simple as blowing air into my nose all night has cured my sleep problems. Ridiculous, eh?

have fun,

patty
www.pattylesser.com

The Writing Course

Pushing myself to be a little creative today. Woke up early this morning. I put on and took off the mask for the CPAC machine a couple of times and it broke. Getting something to fix it until I can get a new one, but it stopped me from going back to sleep.

Well, I'm really pleased about yesterday. My alarm clock was set for 7 am at which time I rose from my bed not feeling exhausted or wasted. It was amazing. Within a few minutes, I was ready to start the day. I have never felt like that before. In the past, rising at an early hour was almost impossible for me. It has been easier since I started with that CPAC machine. I watched Skyfall (not bad but want to watch it again before I give my rating) and then took a shower before I left the house at 9 am.

I misjudged the time it would take for me to reach the location of my writing course which was in a room in a church. Arrived a half hour early. Brian, the course instructor, was there and he remembered me even though I haven't taken a writing course from him in maybe five years or more. The class filled up all and on time. It was a good group of all women except for one man (an unemployed wimp though he wrote well). Most of them had a main job and writing was just a hobby. Everyone hoping to write a book.

The purpose of the workshop was to write great dialogue and I found it rather basic. Oh I did learn a few things and I am glad I went, but I doubt I will attend anymore of his courses. They are excellent for those interesting in writing. You do finish the day feeling quite creative eager to write.

Today (and until it is finished), I will work on Locker Rooms. Luckily or not, I have nothing much planned for the rest of September. Therefore, I have all the time in the world to finish correcting my novel. No pressure except from myself.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Summer is Over

Earlier this week, I received the evaluation of my novel, Locker Rooms. It was a good critique and I agree with all the editor's corrections and advice. I think their help will make it a better novel. So, now I'm re-reading the book from the beginning. One error which is a pain to change was the ' character. Sometimes the apostrophe is straight or curls. I need the one that curls. Apparently the straight one doesn't publish well and I have to change them all. That's tedious, but generally I enjoy re-writing.

In addition, I attended at the Sleep Disorder's Clinic and saw the doctor. The CPAC machine has worked well and he was very pleased with the results. I won't see him now for another 6 months. The trial period is over for the machine and now I have a new machine straight from the boxes. Used it for the first time last night and worked okay. Did wake up a couple of times and looked at the clock (2:24 and 4:14). We'll see how it goes tonight.

Tomorrow/Saturday, I will be taking a course from Brian Henry who has been teaching writing courses in the area for the past 10-15 years. Brian is an editor and teaches writing at Ryerson College. I took most of his courses maybe six or so years ago and I am still on his mailing list so I receive emails about different courses being offered.

Now one comment the editor made was that, though my dialogue was easy to read and follow, some of my characters should have a unique voice. Writing accents or different types of dialogue is very difficult. I know that is not my strong suit. But, the course Brian is teaching tomorrow is How to Write Dialogue. Perfect timing. I know it will help me re-write those areas.

The weather has been fantastic even though summer has ended. Gee I remember looking forward to summer. Time flies. It's warm and sunny with blue skies. I enjoy fall except for the fact that our next season is winter. I don't like winter. But let's not be sad and enjoy the weather now.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Writer's Block

Garbage Day

The greatest day of the week for me is Tuesday which is garbage day. I tend to leave things lying around the house all week and then on Monday, I spend the day gathering up all the plastic take-out trays, the plates, the recyclables, and the general garbage. On Monday night, I put out the blue recyclable boxes and our only one bag allowed of garbage. It is so wonderful to have a neat and organized house. All that eye sore is gone without too much bother. You just put it on the curb and miraculously it disappears leaving your house clean. I just love this miracle of the civilized world.

One thing happened that was quite surprising while watching the garbage men arrive to dispose of our messes. The garbage man picked up my bag of garbage and threw it into the middle of the road while he waited for machine to crush all the bags presently stuffed into the back. I was so surprised he did this and I held my breath in case the bag broke. I know he wouldn't be cleaning up the mess even if he made it.

Luckily, the bag didn't break and I watched as it was thrown in the back and taken away. How lovely. I love garbage day.

A friend came over to visit and I bounced ideas off him to assist me in completing my sixth book: The Package which may or may not be the final title. The plot is about an eccentric, Canadian family who is embroiled in the art work and await the delivery of a recently revealed package from their ancestors in England. Each member of the family is involved with a different branch of art; such as, collector, gallery owner, insurance, legal, agent or an artist. It is fun to write though I think it might make a better play. The whole novel takes place in two rooms of the family mansion. Still haven't figured out how to end it but I'm sure it will come to me.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com



 

It's the Weekend again

Boy is time every flying by but, in a profession such as writing where you do a lot of waiting, this can only be good for me. I am waiting for the editor at the publisher's to get back to me when the evaluation is complete. It is exciting to learn what they think of your novel. Their opinion is very important because they know what people are looking for in a good read. I hope Locker Rooms meets with their approval.

Locker Rooms has many interesting twists and turns which I hope will encourage people to read it. I make up a few scenarios which are truly unique; such as, the main character, Alida, convinces a convict on death row to take a message for her to Satan. Yes, I have included the great devil in my novel who tempts Alida away from her good work.

In addition, Alida successfully survives a few tragedies which are described in detail in the novel. I hope I have well developed her relationships with the many people she meets in her exciting adventure. There is much symbolism in the novel which I hope are easily recognizable.

I am also waiting to hear from Chapters in Meadowlands, Ancaster. I received an email from the employee there who manages the books in the store. Hopefully, she will be in contact with me soon to let me know when I should bring over some copies of my book: Shall We Chat? to be sold in Chapters. She was on holiday for a week so I'm sure she's behind.

The weather has been fantastic and I'm hoping this summer never ends.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

A new week

Locker Rooms is now with the publisher. They are checking it over for any copyright infringements which I know is safe with my work. Then the novel will go to the editors and that will take 2-3 weeks. But at least its out of my hands for the next little while and I can work on something else.

At the moment, I'm working on my sixth book. I started it a few years ago and now reading it over and hope to get some work done on it. I like this book because it is fun to write. Its a mystery/drama about a Canadian family involved in the art world. Every member in the family works in art as different career options; such as, collector, artist, gallery owner, insurance or the legal aspects of art.

The family has been waiting for the receipt of an ancient package from England which is delivered by Marcus who has come to Canada ostensibly to tour the country. Unbeknownst to him, he becomes embroiled with this ancient family only to learn their secrets. The package is eventually opened but you have to read the book in order to learn what it holds and what it means to this family.

Sound interesting?

My sleep has been good. I still require time to get used to the CPAC machine but I am sleeping better as I wake up in the morning feeling rested. I see the doctor next week so we'll see what he says. The machine has a chip which can be read by a computer so they are able to see how I sleep. Quite technologically advanced, eh?

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

A New Book

I am pleased to advise that I have added a new book to my list on my website. The Nuts is a novel about a conspiracy that encompasses all of the United States. A dangerously psychopathic man decides he should rule the American people and proceeds to set about ruining the lives of the American people giving them no choice but to follow him.

To the rescue are five poker buddies: Jack, Ted, Peter, Mark and Gary who had formed a science study group in university where they were constantly pulling physics pranks on their school mates. Once university had been completed, they all stayed in the Boston area and obtained jobs using their science background.

What began as a studious university study group soon turned into their poker night. All the men were proficient card players, but it was poker which was their specialty. The men took the game seriously and, every Thursday night, they gathered at Mark's home to hold their poker games. Often, the group would take trips together to some place where poker tournaments were available.

Due to their inquisitiveness and curiosity, these five men uncover the conspiracy and bring about its fall through intuitive and well organized means.

I hope it will be a good read. It is not finished because I still need to re-read it over 100 times before I can send it to an editor. But I thought you might like to know what I'm working on.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

What a Saturday!

Of course, I brought my CPAC machine to my brother's home because I was staying the night and I'm pleased to report that I had a good night's sleep which was necessary for me to be able to handle Saturday. My brother's house has a wonderful Queen size bed hidden away in the basement away from all the noises of the house which I appreciated.

It is wonderful staying at my brother's house but it is small for their two dogs, two kids and of course one wife. There is lots of movement of which I am not used to. I live very quietly alone in my house with my dog and cat who are as relaxed as I am. But it was definitely a nice change even for one night.

On Saturday, I took my nephews to their first baseball game. It was a bit of a disaster. I had asked my brother drive us early enough to the game so that we could watch the naming of the players and for the national anthem. Not only did we miss that, we missed a home run.

When we finally arrived, the boys wanted to get something to eat so we got hot dogs, popcorn and something to drink which added up fast to $40. (My brother gave me $40 to pay for food but I didn't expect it to be gone so quickly.)

I was lucky enough to get some great seats. We were 11 rows from the field along the third base line. It's a great place to sit because you can see the field well and realize how fast those balls are thrown. Both my elder nephew, Aidan, and I enjoyed the game. I continually explained the game to them and especially the younger one, Liam, who was happy as long as he had something to eat. Once he had ran out of food, he wished to leave which we did.

Before leaving the stadium, we all had to use the washrooms. I let Liam and Aidan go in the men's washroom and I went into the women's. When I exited the women's washroom, neither Liam nor Aidan were there. I had lost them both. I walked around a bit looking for them but they were no where to be seen. After some terrifying moments, I found Aidan but Liam was lost. We must have spent 15 minutes looking for him. Suddenly, Aidan's cell phone rang and we were told the security people had picked him up and he was waiting for us. With great relief, we were escorted to Liam who was happy with the pencil and colouring book the security people game him.

You can imagine the terror I was feeling while looking for Liam. Finally my brother and sister-in-law had allowed me to take their children somewhere and I lose them. I hope I am allowed to do other things with them after this fiasco. Once Liam had been found, we took a taxi to where my brother and his wife were having lunch. I was so glad to return the children to their parents' care. They didn't seem too upset that I had lost their child.

Unfortunately, there were two accidents on the highway on the way home to Hamilton so the 50 minute drive took an hour and a half by bus. Boy, was I glad to arrive home. I picked up some sushi on the way home and was glad to enter my own, quiet home. My dog is visiting with my parents but I had left Emma, my cat, alone in the house. My neighbour came over to feed her in the morning which I appreciated. Emma was so happy to see me. I don't think she likes being left alone and I can't blame her.

Today, it is tennis. I saw Serina Williams win the women's tournament (there is really no woman capable to test Williams) and now I'm watching Nadel (who I usually root for) and Roanic who is Canadian and I have to cheer for him. This is some great tennis. Wonderful way to relax after the crazy couple of days I had.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

A Day of Travel

To get to Toronto and my brother's house today, I used almost every form of transportation. I received a lift from my good neighbour in her car to the bus station. From there, I took a bus to the next town over because the train doesn't come into Hamilton except on rush hour. The train from Aldershot is nice but you stop at every station along the way. I haven't been on a train in a while and tried to work, but couldn't handle the motion of the train while writing. So, turned off my computer and just enjoyed the countryside and cities which we passed along the way.

When I arrived in Toronto, I had a hell of a time walking through the main station to find the subway which is in the same place if you can find it. So, walking a ways, I found my way to the subway. It costs $3 to take the subway now. I remember when it was $1.25. I had to take the University line to the intersection of Yonge/Bloor and then I had to find the subway train that goes east. I had a little bit of a difficult time managing to find that subway stop which I did in due course after making a few wrong turns.

The subway was packed as I had arrived during the beginning of rush hour, but luckily it moved quickly and, in 20 minutes, we arrived at the Victoria Park station where I got off. Then, after getting confused again, I found my way to the street and located a taxi to take me to my brother's home. There was a ton of construction going on in my brother's neighbourhood and the taxi driver had a tough time getting me here which he did finally.

My brother was at home when I arrived and I quickly managed to get outside for some air and to relax without motion. It's amazing how dizzy you can get from travelling. Boy it's nice sitting outside. My brother and I had an opportunity to catch up before his wife and two children returned from shopping for new clothes and such for school. While the boys change and get organized. my brother is making dinner and I'm sitting in the backyard writing this.

I have almost finished re-reading over my novel: Locker Rooms which I will be forwarded to the publisher hopefully early next week.

Tomorrow, I'm taking my nephews to their first baseball game. Should be fun!

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Yeh! A New Day

For the first time in years and years, I woke up at 8:30 am feeling awake and alert. I actually couldn't go back to sleep and didn't want to. I felt amazing because I felt refreshed. I actually had my first really good night with the CPAC machine. It was so wonderful waking up this way. I sure hope it continues. So far, so good!

What is amazing too is that I look forward to going to bed at night. In the past, going to sleep at night was worse than eating liver. I hated having to go to bed at night and would stay up as long as possible. I wouldn't hit the sack until I could barely move or think so I had no choice but to go to bed.

Now, I can't wait until nighttime where I can go to bed. I look forward to putting on the nose device and going to sleep. I am not having any problems falling asleep with it on. If I continue having mornings like this, my life will change.

As previously mentioned, I have decided to scrap my second book which I had considered publishing for a while. Oh one day I'll get back to it and rewrite it but now I have other projects I want to work on; such as, my first book Locker Rooms which I wrote 10 years ago which has been completed and ready to be published. I am reading it over again this weekend and glad I did. Finding a few mistakes. But I do enjoy this book and I hope others will too.

The publisher has agreed to begin the publishing process over again with this different novel. I will be keeping you advised of the sequence of events.

Great weather we are having eh? Great summer!

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Slowly Changing my Life

No, I haven't been immediately cured. Used the CPAC machine for the first time last night. There is a nose piece and straps that go around my head. Attached to the nose device is a tube which reaches the machine which, amazingly enough, doesn't make a sound. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep but woke up a few times in the middle of the night feeling claustrophobic and also just because I was uncomfortable so didn't have a great night's sleep. Slept well but not yet good enough to change my life. Feeling tired and listless still today.

It will take a few days for the machine to work properly. I have to be patient. I know I was hoping for an immediate cure, but I must be realistic. These things take time to get used to.

Received a letter back from my publisher about my concern about rewriting my book Waiting for Love Online. She thinks I should continue with the book so it will be a while before it is published as a complete rewrite is necessary. I am looking forward to the work. I know just what I have to write.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Tonight I Sleep

It is a wonderful day. I received my CPAC machine this morning. It is about the size of a cable tv box. I have to add distilled water to it every night. There is a rubbery device which is placed over my nose and straps to hold it in place around my head. I didn't find it uncomfortable. I will have to remember to always breathe through my nose though I think I do that already.

The appointment progressed well as I was immediately shown a video describing sleep apnea and the CPAC machine which cures this problem. I had no questions by the end of the session as everything was explained very well. I have another appointment with them next week to see how it's going.

In addition, I was told that I will be going through another sleep lab after I have been on the machine for a while to test its usefulness. I will remember to take a picture of myself when I have all the electrodes on me so you can see how funny I look.

I have received the editorial report from the publishers concerning my book Waiting for Love Online. There are one or two major problems which will require me to go back and edit the novel from the beginning. I have written the publisher asking her if she thinks there is any point rewriting it. I am prepared to rework it but I don't want to go to the trouble if it won't sell. But I learnt a lot about myself from the editorial report.

In another day or two and I will have finished my fourth book That Truthful Place about children who develop telepathy and the course their lives take. I will then print it out and read it over in time. It needs to rest for a little while especially if I have to rewrite Waiting for Love Online.

I will write tomorrow hopefully describing a good sleep.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

One More Day

Sorry I haven't written much in the last little while but I have been so tired. One more day and tomorrow I receive the CPAC machine to cure my severe sleep apnea. I have heard from many people who either use the machine or know someone that has it and they all say the same thing: its difficult to get used to but it will change your life. Finally, I will get a good night's sleep and wake up in the morning refreshed and with energy. It's the energy thing I miss the most. I'm so tired all day that I have no energy for anything. Just going to the washroom is a feat.

Characteristically, I'm so used to being in control, it is a little difficult now waiting to hear from the publisher about editing my book: Waiting for Love Online. I have no choice but to sit back and wait to hear from them. Upon completion of the editing, I will receive an 8-10 page report about my book with notifications of spelling, grammar, typos, etc., problems. I will then have the opportunity to correct my book which I am looking forward to do. I doubt there will be many mistakes since my friend and neighbour, Miriam, edited the book and then I went back over the book correcting those mistakes and any new ones I found.

The weather has changed dramatically to the 45 degree Celsius weather we have been having. It is much cooler today and no humidity. If only it could stay this way all year!

I will write tomorrow to let you know how the appointment went. It will definitely be interesting and something totally new. I have no idea what they will be doing which lends in the excitement.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Contined from Yesterday

What a debacle yesterday was for me. As I left it with you, I was able to get in touch with another doctor in the sleep disorders clinic and was waiting for them to call with the news that they had found my chart and solved the prescription problem.

Well, believe it or not, but my vacationing sleep doctor called me from his private cell phone. He informed me that he had received notice that there was a problem with my prescription. He would immediately call the place where I get my cure and then call me back. It happened just as he said. He called back to inform me that Vital Air (where I get the cure for my severe sleep apnea) has received all the information that they need to find the proper cure.

It was the fault of the doctor that I lost my appointment yesterday. He forgot to fill in all the information in the forms provided by Vital Air. He explained that he had not only provided them with all the numbers they needed, he had also given them his cell phone number in case of any further problems. He has made up for his mistake and I appreciate what he did for me.

So, the first appointment I could get will be for next Tuesday. Another week of intense dreams and bad sleep. I can get through this. I just couldn't wait another three weeks. That would have killed me. Now that I know what is wrong with me and that there is something simple that can basically cure me, I can't sleep for excitement.

If I am allowed to sleep undisturbed in the morning, I usually remember my dreams but, this morning, I received some early telephone calls which knocked the dreams out of my head. My dreams are incredible. They are stories which have no ending. I always wake up before I can think of the ending. But, they are very interesting usually dealing with travel; such as, being in a foreign place and trying to get around. I always wish I could just copy those dreams onto paper.

I mix up places in my dreams. I may dream of trying to arrive at my friend's home in Israel, but I'm in the train station in Belgium and then I pass through a mall in Canada. Crazy eh? Actually, I have many dreams about travelling to my friend's in Israel. I always got lost going to her house even when I lived there. To this day, I could not draw a map to her home.

Sarah was an amazing woman. She and her husband came on sabbatical here in Hamilton when I was a teenager and we were able to meet her then as she worked with my father. When I arrived in Israel, I always had Sarah as a back-up in case of any problem. To me, she was a grandmother, mother, mentor, best friend, advisor, and therapist. I treasured her advice and her friendship. I learned so much from her especially cooking wonderful foods which she did so well. I often feel lost without her. After I had returned to Canada, I kept in touch with her by phone for many years until she died from complications of diabetes. That poor woman suffered with diabetes for many years. I remember watching her give herself Insulin injections.

It is important to remember people like that in your life when the days aren't so good. They remind us how special we are to have known such a person and how necessary it is to continue following their advice.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Guess What?

After feeling as if I had not slept a wink, I woke up at 7:30 am so that I would be awake in order to drive myself to my 10:30 appointment with the sleep clinic. My dreams were thick and detailed. I rose excited that today was the day I would finally get help with my severe sleep apnea.

I made it down to the kitchen and made that important cup of coffee. Returned to the living room to watch a movie and chat online to help wake me up and give me something to do until I had to leave for my appointment. It is a 30 minute drive away because it is across town and on the mountain, but it is situated near where I lived for a few years so I know the area.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the phone rang at 8:30 am. Starling me, I had an instant feeling of dread. I answered the phone and it was the company where I was going for my appointment that morning. It seems that the sleep doctor did not give the company the proper prescription and so they had to cancel my appointment.

To make matters worse, my sleep physician has gone on holidays for 3 weeks and, therefore, I would not be able to get an appointment to get the cure for another 3 weeks.

Then, I had a brilliant idea. For my original appointment at the hospital, I was sent a letter with all the doctors' names on it who work in the sleep disorders clinic. So, starting at name one, I called every extension. The first doctor is also on holiday. The second doctor doesn't work Tuesdays. A third was not at her desk. Finally, at the fifth name, I obtained a real person and spoke with this doctor's secretary.

I explained my horrible situation and asked if her boss could look at my chart and send the company the correct prescription. I have no idea what prescription they are talking about, but I need it before I can get the hopeful cure for my severe sleep apnea. The lovely secretary said she would get back to me today. I hope she can help. That would be wonderful.

So, it's a day of waiting. Hopefully, I can get this straightened out soon. Wish me luck!!

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Believe it or not

Since learning that I have severe sleep apnea, I decided to pull out all my old medical reports which  I have kept over the years. The earliest is 1971 when my parents sent me to a psychologist. I have many reports leading up almost to the present but, what is interesting is to learn that in all the reports,  I complained of not sleeping and waking up feeling exhausted. The first report where they quote me is in a 1989 paper which states I was "felt wasted" and "very tired" when I wake up in the morning.

It is very frustrating to learn that I have been complaining of not sleeping all my life and no doctor ever really listened to me. I remember feeling tired before high school and definitely every morning when I worked. I know I complained of not sleeping to every doctor I saw. However, they would only treat me with medication which, of course, didn't work.

Tomorrow, hopefully, all my problems will be solved when I receive this new sleep apnea device. I hope to sleep for the first time tomorrow night. I'll let you know how I feel Wednesday. It would be a dream come true to wake up refreshed and not exhausted. That would change my life completely.

In addition, I came upon an interesting paragraph in the May 3rd, 1976 report (I was 13 years old) by a psychologist who is now deceased. I googled her just out of interest, but, not surprising, she has died. However, what she wrote is very interesting. She writes that I was looking to find out "what is wrong with me" and "I think I am emotionally disturbed."

After my quotes, she writes: "This examiner felt there was an over-dramatization on Patty's part although in a sense a real need to draw attention on the part of adults and particularly those close to her."

Can you believe that? I am crying out in pain and frustration and she dismisses me as a spoiled brat looking for attention. Most doctors said the same even though I begged them to help me. I'm so glad mental illness is so open these days. It's great that today children do not have to suffer like I did.

In case you don't know, I'm Bipolar/Manic Depressive. Diagnosed in 1989 when I was 27 years old.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Next Stage

This afternoon I received a telephone call from the publishers to say that they had been through my book Waiting for Love Online and there are no legal issues with it. I could have told them that but I guess they have to do it. Now my manuscript goes to the editors to check for spelling, grammar, content, etc. This process will take 2-3 weeks and then I will know if there are any corrections needed or ways to improve my book. I look forward to their comments.

Four days to go ... but until what? I forgot to mention why I had to wait these days until I would be able to sleep. On Tuesday, I will be provided with some kind of mechanism that goes over my nose and will allow me to sleep. I am allowed to try the device for a month for free. If it works and I wish to continue using it, I have to pay for it. Not sure how much it costs but no matter what it is, I have to pay it. If it helps me sleep, then its a keeper.

Believe it or not, but my cat is outside all day lying on the patio stones just in front of my back door. She just lies there all day. I check on her every hour offering her the possibility to come in but she just puts her head back on the stone and goes to sleep. It is difficult to believe she is 19. I adopted her from the SPCA when she was 6 months old. She was found alone in a parking lot.

Emma is a very sweet cat. She is only 5 pounds so she looks like a kitten. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her since she eats and poops well. In addition, there is nothing abnormal in her behaviour except for the fact that she likes to sleep outside in 40 degree weather. Is that normal for cats? I don't know much about cats even though I've had Emma for a long time. I'm more a dog person.

When Emma was 7 years old, I adopted Kira, my dog. Emma was terrified of Kira and hid under the bed for 3 months. I felt terrible. After 3 months, Emma finally came out from under the bed but wouldn't leave the bedroom for another 3 months. It took about 3 years for Emma to relax around Kira. Now they are the best buddies and so cute together. Kira sometimes wants to play but Emma doesn't play, but they nose each other and Kira often licks Emma. I've tried to get pictures of this but it happens so fast.

I love animals and I am very lucky to have the two that I have. I'm not the most active person and luckily my pets are of the relaxed nature as well. I love them dearly and it will be very upsetting when they die but, when they do, I don't plan on adopting any pets for a while. I need a break from the responsibility. I am used to being free and having pets really ties you down. I look forward to being free again.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Countdown

I only have to wait five days until I will be able to have a normal night's sleep. I have been considering how long it has been since I woke up refreshed. Maybe 30 years? I started taking sleeping pills when I was 13 years old. The medications I take for my bipolar have a side effect of drowsiness. However, none of that leads to a good night's sleep because I have sleep apnea and I have finally been diagnosed.

When I drag myself out of bed at around 11:00 p.m., I don't feel refreshed or rested. I feel exhausted. I live for the cup of coffee in the morning to help me wake-up. Mulling inside my head are the vivid dreams I had. Last night, I was looking after a neighbour's cats. He was always going away and I was getting tired looking after his cats. (The neighbours on my street have either dogs or nothing. I don't know anyone with cats.)

Right now, it is 1:30 p.m. and I feel exhausted. I have absolutely no energy (except for maybe playing in a poker tournament or writing). I am able to write at times like this; obviously. Actually, I'm feeling somewhat creative but don't ask me to get up!

Imagine, in five days, I will finally be able to sleep.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Verdict In

Today was my appointment at the sleep disorder's clinic where I received notification that I am suffering from severe sleep apnea. It is caused by the trachea narrowing or closing while sleeping causing me to have a very light sleep. That is why my dreams are so vivid. I never reach a deep sleep which is also the reason why I sleep 12 hours without feeling rested.

The doctor is arranging an appointment for me to meet with sleep specialists who will provide me with a kind of mechanism to put over my nose when I sleep which will hopefully assist me in sleeping and hopefully I will reach a deep sleep. Then I should sleep, not dream as much and allow me to sleep normal hours so that I can awake refreshed.

Boy, it is hot out. The temperature is in the high 30 degree Celsius or over 100 Fahr. It is rare for it to get this hot and everyone finds it difficult. I am so happy I have central air so the house is well air conditioned. It was so wonderful coming home to a cool house. Not taking the dog for a walk today. She won't even stay out longer than a few minutes. The cat is outside, but I will check on her frequently to see if she wants to come in. She doesn't seem to mind the heat.

Unfortunately, I'm exhausted from the appointment and the stress of reaching the appointment. I had to attend at a hospital and we all know that parking around a hospital is dear. Luckily I only had to pay $2 for parking on one of the side streets. I had a 10 minute walk through this heat to reach the hospital which isn't bad at all. I had spent many hours yesterday, last night and today worrying about finding a parking space that didn't require me to walk too far in this heat.

I'm glad today is over. I have long been expecting today and the results of my sleep test. Tomorrow, I will finish my fourth book That Truthful Place. I just have another few pages to write. Anyone want to edit it for me?

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

We are lucky

Do you appreciate where you live? After watching trains exploding, floods and fires on the news, I look around my home and consider myself very lucky to live where I live. Unlike Brazil, Canada's healthcare is excellent. We are also very lucky to be able to attend appointments with whichever healthcare professional we require with no problems and without having to pay for it.

Also shown on the news was a water splash pad where water is cool and easily available to play with and run through. Children seem to love these small water parks, but look at all the water wasted. Can you imagine someone from Africa or India coming to Canada and able to play in one of those splash pads? I think they would be in shock with the abundance of water. Aren't we lucky?

Many people in Toronto recently were flooded out. Their houses were filled with water coming out of their sinks, toilets, showers, etc. This amount of sewage ruined numerous numbers of homes. We were shown pictures on the news revealing mountains of furniture, books, carpets, and anything else people kept in their basements.

Could you imagine suddenly losing everything through a flood or fire? Traumatic eh? I'm terrified of fire so I have a very good plan about how to get out of my house in case of fire. I know Kira, my dog, will come to me immediately in case of danger, but my cat rarely answers to her name or comes when I call her. I dread the thought but I'd probably lose her in a fire. She could hide somewhere in the house and I'd only be putting myself in danger to try and find her to get her out of the house.

I do consider myself very lucky and privileged to live where I do in Ontario. All we can complain about is the humidity or the cold but then our homes are heated or kept cool by an air conditioner. We really have no reason to complain but, then again, people always need something to complain about. But why? We are so lucky compared to so many. I think we should count our blessings before we make a complaint.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Uploaded Book

Whew! Spent the morning downloading my second book: Waiting for Love Online to the publisher. It took me a few hours to write all the necessary captions for my book as well as filling in the blanks on the publisher's to-do list. Glad it is over and done with. Now I have to wait one to two weeks for the editors to review my book.

Waiting for Love Online is a series of emails and there are lots of pitfalls for organization and format. It was so much work setting up my chat book: Shall We Chat? Revealing the Secrets of Chatting Online which is available on Amazon. Because of the specific chapters and headings, there was so much to organize when publishing the book. Luckily, I won't have to do that with Waiting for Love Online because the editors will complete that part of the publishing process.

Decided to finish my fourth book That Truthful Place. I hope to finish it in the next couple of weeks.

I received a call from the sleep disorders clinic reminding me of my appointment Wednesday. Wouldn't miss it for the world. I will be getting an answer about my problems with sleep. Can't wait.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Publishing Again

Guess what? I'm self-publishing my second book through Chapters. This one costs something, but I thought I'd take a chance and get some professional help. The cost is not that great, but you can pay upwards of $4,000 just to "self-publish". That amount is, of course, beyond my means but this one has cheaper packages.

What am I publishing you ask? I am publishing my second book entitled: Waiting for Love Online which is a non-fiction romance. It is a simple tale of girl meets boy. they fall in love and decide to marry. But what happens along the way is described in a series of emails covering a ten month period.

I'm not going to tell you the ending. You'll have to read that for yourselves. I hope you are interested. It will probably take a few months before it will be ready for sale. Of course, when it is, I will let you know.

I'm having one of those days. Well one of those days for a writer. I have almost finished my 4th book which is about children developing telepathy. I don't have much more to write there but I have to sit down and write it. But it's difficult to work on it because I have almost finished my 5th book which is about five poker buddies who uncover a conspiracy.

Now, the real problem is that I am now working on my 6th book. I can't get it out of my mind. I have written the plot and now I know what I want to say, but the words are not oozing from my fingers. What I have written sounds boring and limp. So, I'm all tied up with that book suffering the want of exposure but can't write syndrome.

So what do I do instead? Come here and write the blog. I am also waiting for the guy at the publishing company to get back to me. They are having trouble with their website.

I will keep you apprised of my publishing trail. It should be interesting.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Ticketmaster

Ever try to reach a real person from some of the large companies? Usually you dial a 1-800 number and then spend 10 minutes (or longer) going through menus. Either you speak a word or you press a number and then another number and then another to reach a live person who can help you with your problem. Isn't it a frustrating venture?

Try and find the telephone number for Ticketmaster! There is no telephone number listed anywhere on their website.

So, I turned to the little icon I have at the top of my computer screen which allows me to look up telephone numbers. I searched Ticketmaster and received many different telephone numbers to call to attempt to find someone to help me. I had bought tickets to take my nephews to a Blue Jay baseball game in August and was having trouble printing them out from online so I was hoping to speak to someone who could have the tickets sent to me via snail mail.

Starting with the first site that the Yellow Pages provided me, I began calling the Ticketmaster telephone numbers down the list. Two number startled me with an extremely loud blast of a ring tone. Another two didn't have anyone answering at all.

Finally, at the sixth telephone number, I made my way into the Ticketmaster system only to be told by a computer voice that I had to call another number to reach customer service. I called that the new number to finally reach a real person. I was a little frustrated by this point so when I heard his voice I bluntly and directly exclaimed my difficulties in reaching a real person at Ticketmaster. The man said he would make a note of this then kindly transferred me to the proper number and customer service.

I must have waited at least 15 minutes before the customer representative came onto the line. While waiting, I had to listen to this loud French music which seemed bizarre coming out of a Ticketmaster site.

Finally, when I was talking to a real woman, she quickly and easily organized my baseball tickets to be sent to my house. All that phoning and waiting and dialing, etc., for a five minute call. Whew, I'm exhausted, but so happy my problem has been solved.

Anybody else have stories? I'm sure you do. Leave a comment and tell me.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

The Drive-In

When was the last time you were at a drive-in? Last night, I went to the drive-in to see the movie: The Heat, with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. It was playing at the drive-in in Stoney Creek which is at the other end of the city from me. The movie is hilarious. Both actresses were wonderful and it was a fun movie.

I don't know about you, but I had never been to a drive-in before. I don't know why. I had a boyfriend all through high school and we used to drive around with his friends and their cars, but we never went to a drive-in. So, I was so excited to be given the opportunity to go to a drive-in now. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like.

It's a Saturday night and the drive-in was packed. It must have taken us 15 minutes just to get near enough to the booth to pay ($11.00 a person). There were three large screens at the drive-in and we were at number 1 and had to drive around a bit to find a good parking space. The place was packed, but we were able to find an excellent parking space in the second row of cars right in the centre of the screen.

Remember that at drive-ins there was a clumsy, metal speaker box you would settle on the window of your car to hear the dialogue? Well now you just adjust your radio station to the appropriate number and you hear the dialogue perfectly. Some people brought chairs and sat outside their vehicle and listened and watched the movie. You could hear everything perfectly from outside the car.

The drive-in was an amazing site. It was night and so dark outside. The outdoor theatre is surrounded by trees. There were rows upon rows of every type of vehicle sitting quietly watching a movie. The air was silent and so was the whole area. All you could hear is the dialogue of the movie. Otherwise, there was perfect silence. So many people and so little sound. Everyone was ensconced in their own little worlds enjoying a movie together. It was a lovely experience.

So, maybe, if the opportunity arrives, go to the drive-in. It's a unique experience to be enjoyed as an opportunity to do something different for a change.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Just Joking

Do you like jokes? I love jokes. I love it when people tell me a new joke which I can then pass along. I love hearing and telling jokes. Growing up, they were JAP (Jewish American Princess) jokes. When I was in Australia, you just got an Aussie drunk and he started telling jokes and I wrote them all down. I also have a dentist who loves jokes. At each appointment, he would offer up another joke and expect one from me.

The latest from the dentist is: There was a man who wanted to go shopping at the mall but when he got there, every parking spot was full. He lifted his head to the sky and prayed, "God, if you find me a spot to park I will go to church every Sunday." Suddenly he turned to the right and saw an empty space. Turning into the spot, the guy said, "Forget it God. Found one."

Now the jokes told in Australia were mostly blonde jokes; such as:

Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what's on the other side.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.

Aussies are also great for their sayings; such as,

Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!

I'm not loafing, I work so fast I'm always finished.

Thrill me then leave.

Let's get drunk so you can take advantage of me.

Some of the Jewish American Princess jokes were funny; such as,

How does a JAP commit suicide?
She piles all her clothes on her bed and jumps.

How do you know when a JAP has an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.

I made up one joke as a kid: Where are an elephant's sex organs?
On his feet because if he steps on you, you're fucked.

Now, I'm always on the lookout for new jokes but it isn't easy finding people who like to tell jokes. But a friend sent me an email recently with quotes and a couple were very funny. The funniest one I thought was:

a guy said, my girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis and asked what I was doing.
Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer
So, if anyone has a joke, please leave a comment and tell me. I'd love to learn some new ones and I love to laugh which always cheers me up.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Green

For my pleasure, when I look out my home window, I see nothing but green. A variety of bushes and different types of trees shadow my backyard which are a bright green. Green is my second favourite colour; first being blue, so I love seeing green. It calms and relaxes me. I love going to my parents' cottage up north around the Huntsville area. It is so green there, but a three hour drive north.

My family has been going to this cottage since 1975 when it was just a piece of land. The cottage was built by a master craftsman who unfortunately died a few years later from cancer. He was definitely a lovely man. And he did a great job building the cottage which is basically a living room, dining room and kitchen all open in a row and then two bedrooms and a bathroom.

There is no internet or television at the cottage. Nor are there a microwave, washer or dryer. It is a very simple place. Yes, we have a canoe, kayak and small fishing boat. There are also numerous games to play or books to read while there. I always bring up a pile of books to read. It is also a wonderful place to write. I am so creative up there (probably because I don't have a tv!).

The cottage is surrounded by forest so surrounded by green. There also is the exquisite view of the beautiful, blue lake. The cottage is 75 feet from the pristine lake and the cool waters are a wonderful and refreshing sensation on hot and humid days. The small lake is pretty clean. We don't drink the water anymore but, if you swallow a mouthful, you are safe. It is fantastic swimming at the lake which is a pleasure I partake of numerous times a day.

Because it is a cottage, you eat simple meals. Most dinners are barbequed food which is simply delicious up there. Food, for some reason, tastes better up north. We go to town once a week to do the grocery shopping. Otherwise, we rarely go into town.

We are starting the summer and I am hoping to go up there. It is not that easy for me to go up anymore. Unfortunately, I cannot go up with my parents. I love them but we can't live together anymore. I don't want to go up alone because it would be too lonely. Without the internet, I would find it very isolating. You have never heard silence until you have been up there.

So, I have to wait to find a friend who will go up with me. I have two possibilities at the moment and I hope both or, at least one, pans out. Wish me luck! All I can do is hope.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Anybody out there?

What's wrong with people these days? Why won't professional people at least acknowledge you with a quick email?

I have sent so many literary agents my query letter via email and 99% never bothered replying. No email even just to say 'not interested'. Are they that busy? So, I became frustrated with waiting for agents which is why I self-published through Amazon. You require so much time and energy into writing a query letter which is basically an advertisement for your book.They are difficult to write and you spend many hours going over and over and over it again until you can get it just right. The blurbs about my books on my website www.pattylesser.com are taken from my query letters.

After to speaking to a woman at Chapters in Meadowlands, Ancaster, she requested that I send her as much information as I could about the book. It was her job to decide which books are in and which are out of the bookstore. I prepared and sent her a detailed email about Shall We Chat? Didn't hear from her. A couple of weeks after that, send her an email that I would be in the area and could I drop any books off. She again didn't respond. Finally, a month ago, I again sent her an email with the article that came out in the Dundas Star. Still nothing. What am I to think?

Any advice? What should I do? Do I email her again? Do I phone her? Of course I don't want to piss her off, but what are my choices? How aggressive do I get?

I will wait until July 8th before I take another step so you all have plenty of time to leave me any suggestions. There is no point contacting her around a holiday weekend. People usually are difficult to reach at that time.

In addition, I sent Shall We Chat? to Bob Cowan and Annette Hamm at the CHCH television station. They are a team that host a morning show and they alway anchor the noon news. Now, I can't get up for their morning show but I always watch them at noon. They are a great team and I enjoy watching them. I hoped that maybe they would give a local author a break and put me on the morning show as chat is an interesting and relevant topic as well as talking about opening up the discussion about mental illness being that I'm Bipolar.

No, Bob and Annette did not respond in receipt of my book so I don't know if they actually received it. I also sent them an email through the CHCH site advising of my article in the local newspaper. Still, I have not heard from them. Isn't that a little bit annoying? Sure, they must receive plenty of interested folks who want to be put on TV, but can't they at least acknowledge your efforts? Are they that busy? Or am I being foolish to think why would they bother with a lightweight like me?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think. This is one problem about self-publishing: no marketing assistance. I'm on my own and could use any help.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Family

As we get older, I think you begin to appreciate what family you have in your life. My brother and I were estranged for a few years. We have been talking more recently and I will be taking my nephews to their first baseball game in August. I love baseball (I love all sports) and I'm not able to frequent many games. It will be nice introducing my nephews in a new sport.

On Friday, I had lunch with my parents and my aunt and uncle whom I haven't seen in a few years. It was good to see them looking so well, but I was reminded why we haven't seen each other in a while. I think it would be best to keep distance.

But decided to email my cousin, their daughter. She called me Friday night. It was a rare time for her since her husband was away from home and the kids were out for the night. It was so good to talk to her. We spoke openly and honestly with each other. We truly shared which has brought us so close. She lives in Boston, Mass., and it won't be possible to meet any time soon but we considered taking a trip to the Bahamas together. That would be so much fun. We'll see.

The daughter of my father's brother is also a close friend. She lives in Venice, California, and again I don't see her often but we keep in contact with phone calls and email. I have always felt that Joy was more my sister than cousin. We look like sisters. She is a wonderful woman whose intelligence never ceases to amaze me. I have so much respect for her. Luckily, we are close and I know I will be seeing her soon. Hopefully, she will make a trip up this way soon.

My family is spread out all over Canada. I have cousins in the Maritimes and cousins out west in Alberta. I haven't seen them in ages which makes it difficult to keep in touch.

I have realized how important family is at this stage in life. I don't have many close friends and the two closest live in England. Both my cousins make my life better even though they too can't meet me for coffee or a movie. I'm just appreciative they are in my life.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com

Sleep Lab

As I have mentioned before, I have severe sleep problems. No sleeping medication works so I knew I needed some more help. I asked my family doctor to refer me to a sleep disorder's clinic. He did so immediately and I was told I would have to wait 3-4 weeks for an appointment. Not enjoying my sleep at the moment, I was prepared to stick it out a little longer.

Miracle upon miracle, yesterday afternoon I received a call from the sleep disorder's clinic asking me if I could attend at the hospital that night for a sleep lab which involved staying overnight at the hospital while being monitored. Of course, I jumped at the chance.

So, last night, I slept at the hospital wired up like an octupus. I arrived at the clinic at 9:00 pm and by 9:30 pm, a technician put around 20 wires on my head, face, chest, stomach and legs. I also had one thing over my nose and another in my nose. All the wires led to a box that was put on a rope around my neck until I went to bed. Before I was ordered to sleep at 11:00 pm, the technician attached the box to what looked like a computer cord that was attached to a panel on the wall. Once I was all hooked up, I was allowed to go to sleep but I didn't think I'd sleep all trustled up like that.

Amazingly enough, I did sleep and I was told there was 800 pages of data for them to go through. I will get the report in two weeks. It was an incredible night. I didn't feel like I slept that much but the technician said I did. At one point, he came into my room in the early morning hours and shocked the hell out of me. I think I shocked him more with my scream.

Wifi is one the greatest inventions. It was so wonderful being able to watch the Boston/Chicago playoffs online at the CBC Sports site while in the hospital. I didn't like the thought of missing the game and the hospital offered free wifi. So I was able to watch the game and even chat a bit.

No, I didn't have a nap today even though I was woken up at 5:30 am and even though I didn't have a good night's sleep. I would rather wait and go to bed at a decent hour and sleep the night. I'm not always guaranteed sleep if I take a nap during the day. So, it was an uneventful day. I'm glad I got through it.

have fun,
patty
www.pattylesser.com