Monday, 22 July 2013

Believe it or not

Since learning that I have severe sleep apnea, I decided to pull out all my old medical reports which  I have kept over the years. The earliest is 1971 when my parents sent me to a psychologist. I have many reports leading up almost to the present but, what is interesting is to learn that in all the reports,  I complained of not sleeping and waking up feeling exhausted. The first report where they quote me is in a 1989 paper which states I was "felt wasted" and "very tired" when I wake up in the morning.

It is very frustrating to learn that I have been complaining of not sleeping all my life and no doctor ever really listened to me. I remember feeling tired before high school and definitely every morning when I worked. I know I complained of not sleeping to every doctor I saw. However, they would only treat me with medication which, of course, didn't work.

Tomorrow, hopefully, all my problems will be solved when I receive this new sleep apnea device. I hope to sleep for the first time tomorrow night. I'll let you know how I feel Wednesday. It would be a dream come true to wake up refreshed and not exhausted. That would change my life completely.

In addition, I came upon an interesting paragraph in the May 3rd, 1976 report (I was 13 years old) by a psychologist who is now deceased. I googled her just out of interest, but, not surprising, she has died. However, what she wrote is very interesting. She writes that I was looking to find out "what is wrong with me" and "I think I am emotionally disturbed."

After my quotes, she writes: "This examiner felt there was an over-dramatization on Patty's part although in a sense a real need to draw attention on the part of adults and particularly those close to her."

Can you believe that? I am crying out in pain and frustration and she dismisses me as a spoiled brat looking for attention. Most doctors said the same even though I begged them to help me. I'm so glad mental illness is so open these days. It's great that today children do not have to suffer like I did.

In case you don't know, I'm Bipolar/Manic Depressive. Diagnosed in 1989 when I was 27 years old.

have fun,